Husband's View of Trying to Conceive
by Lori Ramsey

Trying to conceive a baby can be very stressful on the woman. I mean, we are the ones who have to actually “conceive” the baby and carry it for 9 months. But oftentimes it takes much longer than 9 months to conceive. It is during those long months that we experience a lot of stress. But what about our husbands? A lot of times they are overlooked in the process. Let’s take a few minutes to take into account the other side of the conception game – the one whose seed we need to conceive this baby.

Husbands are often overlooked in the conception process simply because they have immense pleasure in their part and once done they don’t have to be concerned if the sperm are actually making it to the egg. At least that’s the way it seems.

Actually, if the husband wants the baby every bit as much as we do – they too are concerned and anxious about it. It almost seems unfair if they don’t understand what we go through – they don’t have to be concerned with temperatures, cervical fluid and whether or not they are experiencing early pregnancy symptoms. No, but they care and they are doing the best they can under the circumstances.

We need to be more understanding towards them. They get tremendously frustrated too – and especially if they see us stressing out. The one thing my husband hated was the feeling that I only wanted him for his sperm. He hated “babymaking” because I was so tense and uptight that it made the desire in him wane. He couldn’t understand why, when he came home at the end of the day I would be upset. He actually got to where he hated to see me taking my temperature in the morning because depending on what it would be – it would determine my mood for the entire day. Don’t obsess over the temperatures – like I did!

This is where we need to take every day in stride. Our husbands need to feel like we actually enjoy being with them – because we love them and because it gives us pleasure, too – not just a mission of conception. It’s a fine line in timing conception – because we know that ovulation presents an opportunity of 12 to 24 hours in which to get sperm to that egg to be fertilized. However, if we go at our husbands like a slave driver wielding a whip and screaming “NOW – or WE won’t get pregnant” this will kill any mood they may have. We have to take their feelings into consideration. I don’t know about you, but my husband actually wants to feel wanted for him and not just for his seed.

Take some time in romancing him. Consider his feelings before hauling off and having a “bad” mood over your temperatures – or over your cycle showing up again. I know how frustrating it can be – but I also know, after having a long heart-to-heart with my husband that he felt extremely left out during the time we were trying to conceive our daughter. I’d rather say that my children were conceived out of lovemaking – than out of a “We have to DO it now because I’m ovulating – babymaking only” session.

For the record – this article implies my experience and my husband's. I know, in talking to others – that they too experienced these same frustrations. So, I hopefully have made you think about your husband – if you haven’t already done so. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. It may make the road to conception a lot smoother if both of you are in sync!

Lori Ramsey's Website:  Stages in Pregnancy

© 2005 by Lori Ramsey