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The Paradox of Giving Up
by Lori Ramsey
To many women (myself
included at times) becoming pregnant takes on the main focus of
their life. Everything else fades into the background and a whole
new level of obsession is discovered – and with it comes strife and
discord – especially with the very ones we love the most.
Obsessing about getting pregnant is treading a very thin line. What
started out as a way to be on the road to conception can quickly get
out of hand and become reckless driving. Innocently enough, many
women, when faced with possible infertility, can go over the edge.
Believe me, I understand – I was one of those women in the not so
distant past. And sadly, the one who probably suffers the most is
the one we want to have the baby with.
What was once a fun thing to do – what was once “making love” for
love’s sake - has turned into a dreaded chore. Most men (and I’m
quoting from my husband, whom I believe to be fully in the norm)
feel like they have turned into mere baby-making machines.
Does this sound familiar? You only want to “make love” at peak times
in your cycle. You let your basal body temperature and qualities of
“fertility” signs control your mood. I used to be in a horrible mood
the entire day if my basal body temperature wasn’t where I thought
it should be. I only wanted to “do it” if I was fertile – otherwise
“what’s the point?” Right? Actually, wrong. The only thing that
should prevent “making love” whenever the mood strikes is when the
man has a low sperm count.
The paradox here is in letting go. If you can relate to the above
scenario, then it’s time to sit back, take a deep breath and ask
yourself why you want a baby in the first place. Isn’t it supposed
to be the ultimate expression of love between a man and a woman?
I know how hard it is to try month after month – hoping for a
pregnancy, just to be disappointed. It takes on a life of itself –
spiraling out of control in the land of obsession. But the tried and
true method that has worked three times for me is to give up.
As hard as giving up sounds – especially if you’ve tried for so long
– may just be what the doctor orders. Aside from true fertility
problems, giving up can be the positive answer you’re looking for.
At least give it a try. Take a break. Spend a couple of months just
making love when the mood strikes. Pay no attention to temperature
or fertility signs. Relax. Have fun. You just may be pleasantly
surprised with a positive pregnancy test at the end of the month. It
happened to me all three times. Even though I obsessed for 16 months
with my third pregnancy I learned a valuable lesson. In all the
months I agonized over my fertility signs, I finally achieved the
goal. I simply quit trying and then it only took one month.
I am by no means saying that charting your fertility signs and
ovulation kits don't play a role in trying to conceive. They do –
and are very beneficial if done in a relaxed tone and in moderation.
Keep the obsessing at bay – and learn to relax and live in the
moment…nature will find a way!
Lori Ramsey of
Stages in Pregnancy
©2006 by Lori Ramsey
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